Friday, May 1, 2015

TMoH #11: The Pony

And yet another edition of thirty minutes of hell!  Anyway if you don't know what I'm talking about, my introductory post on this topic provides a quick summary.

The writing prompt from NANO fiction is: Write a story about a character who receives a gift from a family member which changes how the character feels about that person.

The Pony

"Here she is," John said, his voice artificially cheerful.  He already knew he had made a mistake, but how was that possible?  Wasn't this what Patricia wanted, had always wanted since she was a little girl.

"It's nice," Patricia said in a neutral voice.  She made no move towards the stall though, where her new pony stood sedately, its brown spots on its white coat moving up and down as it patiently chewed on something in its mouth.

Then there was silence.  John glanced over at the stablehand, who had retreated to the far corner.  Was he stifling a laugh?  "What do you-" he began, and then started again.  "You can name it anything you want, you know."

Patricia rolled her eyes.  "I'm not six anymore, dad.  Seriously, what would I do with a pony?  I'm with mom most of the time."  She fired a parting shot as she walked away: "I do like bacon bits though."  And John said nothing and clenched his fists and watched her go.


Eh... nope, this story sucks.  Seriously, a pony?

I guess it's truthful in the sense that it reflects something I'm scared of - losing the connection between me and my daughter.  But frankly, I can't see me being as out of touch as John or my daughter being as biting as Patricia.  Maybe that's why this reads so much like a parody.

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